What Do I Need? Finding Yourself Beyond Your Responsibilities

By Kayleigh Supak, M.A., LPC Associate
Supervised by Kelly Rice, LPC-S

You can describe your responsibilities without much hesitation.

What needs to happen at work. What your family has coming up. Who needs a ride, a reminder, or a reply.

But “What do you want to do?” might leave you staring at the person who asked.

Maybe your first thought is to catch up on everything. Maybe you aren’t sure what you enjoy these days. Maybe you miss something about yourself, but you haven’t found the words for it.

If you’re wondering how to reconnect with yourself, start with a smaller question: what do you need, prefer, or care about today?

You don’t need a complete plan for your future to begin paying attention.

What does reconnecting with yourself look like?

For this conversation, reconnecting with yourself means making room to notice your needs, interests, preferences, and values alongside your responsibilities.

That could mean admitting you’d prefer a quiet evening. Remembering that you enjoy reading. Recognizing that a friendship matters to you and you want time for it.

You can value your family, work, or community and still want parts of your week that reflect your own interests.

The National Institutes of Health encourages caregivers to maintain hobbies and interests when possible and look for opportunities to take breaks. It also acknowledges that circumstances can make these steps difficult. Social Wellness Toolkit

There is room here for both what you want and what is realistically available.

Start by separating needs, preferences, and values

You don’t have to use these categories perfectly. They are simply a way to make a broad question easier to answer.

A need might be rest, practical assistance, or someone to talk with.

A preference might be spending Saturday morning at home instead of making another plan.

A value is a quality or direction that matters to you, such as connection, creativity, faith, learning, or kindness.

For example, connection might matter to you, and you might prefer a quiet conversation with one friend over a large gathering.

These distinctions can help you describe what you’re looking for more clearly.

Why make room for your own values?

A longitudinal study by Sheldon and Elliot examined goals that reflected people’s interests and core values. Across three datasets, pursuing those goals was associated with more sustained effort; attaining them was associated with greater well-being benefits. The study wasn’t specifically about motherhood or this reflection exercise, but it offers a reason to consider whose priorities your goals reflect. Sheldon and Elliot, 1999

Try asking: “Does this matter to me, or am I mainly worried about what someone will think if I don’t do it?”

Your answer may include both. You can explore that honestly without judging yourself.

A short reflection: What do I need right now?

Take a piece of paper and choose one or two of these prompts. This is an optional reflection exercise, not a test or a diagnostic tool.

1. What part of my day feels hardest?

Be specific. Is it getting started in the morning? Having no quiet time after work? Making every decision about the weekend?

Then ask: “What would I welcome in that part of the day?”

2. What do I miss?

Perhaps it’s an activity, a friendship, or time to think without interruptions.

You don’t have to return to everything you once enjoyed. Consider what still interests you now.

3. What do I have a preference about?

Think of an ordinary decision: what to eat, how to spend an evening, or when to meet a friend.

Before answering “Whatever works,” check whether you have an answer of your own.

4. What would I like more room for?

Try choosing a quality rather than a large goal.

More connection might look like calling a friend. More creativity might look like taking out the art supplies. More learning might look like reading about something that interests you.

5. What support would make that possible?

Would someone need to take over a task? Would you need to adjust a plan, discuss a shared responsibility, or find an option that costs less?

This question matters. Having an interest and having access to time or support are different things.

Choose one small experiment

Look over your answers and select something you would like to try.

For me, reading a historical mystery is one activity I enjoy. Your choice might be music, gardening, making something, or an uninterrupted conversation.

The National Institute of Mental Health recommends making time for enjoyable activities and notes that discovering what works for you can involve trial and error. Caring for Your Mental Health

An experiment gives you permission to learn. You might enjoy it. You might discover that an old interest no longer fits. Either answer tells you something.

Afterward, ask: “Would I like to do that again? Would I change anything?”

What if I feel guilty making room for myself?

Write down the thought that comes with the guilt. Perhaps it’s “I should be doing something useful” or “Someone else needs this time more.”

Then look at the actual situation. Is there an immediate responsibility to address? Is there a shared task that could be discussed? What are you asking of yourself, and is it workable?

You can care about others while including your own needs in those conversations.

If you’re exploring how to speak up for your preferences, my article on building self-confidence and trusting yourself is a related place to continue.

When counseling may be helpful

You don’t have to know exactly who you want to become before reaching out. Counseling can offer space to explore your roles, relationships, values, and the expectations you want to reconsider.

If you are also experiencing persistent loss of interest, difficulty functioning, or other distressing symptoms, consider speaking with a mental health professional. NIMH identifies loss of interest and difficulty completing usual activities among reasons to seek professional help, particularly when symptoms are severe or persist for two weeks or more. Caring for Your Mental Health

A place to explore what matters to you

At Rooted Path Counseling, I support women, young adults, and teens navigating anxiety, self-confidence concerns, and life transitions. We can make room for questions about identity, motherhood, relationships, and what you want your life to include.

You don’t need to have a polished answer to “What brings you in?” We can begin with what feels unclear.

I offer in-person counseling in Livingston, Texas, and online counseling throughout Texas. Request a free 15-minute consultation to learn more and explore whether we would be a good fit.

Kayleigh Supak, M.A., LPC Associate
Supervised by Kelly Rice, LPC-S
Rooted Path Counseling
kayleigh@rootedpathcounseling.org

References

National Institute of Mental Health. (2026). Caring for your mental health.

National Institutes of Health. (2026). Social wellness toolkit.

Sheldon, K. M., & Elliot, A. J. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: The self-concordance model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(3), 482–497.