What Does It Mean to Be Your Authentic Self in Everyday Life?

By Kayleigh Supak, LPC Associate, supervised by Kelly Rice, LPC-S

Someone asks what you want to do this weekend. You have an answer, but before you say it, you start thinking about what would be easiest for everyone else.

“Whatever works!”

Does that sound familiar?

There is nothing wrong with being flexible. But if you are wondering where your own preferences fit into your life, that question deserves some attention.

For this reflection, think of authenticity as making room for your values, preferences, and honest experience in the choices you make. That might mean speaking up about a weekend plan, acknowledging that something is hard, or choosing a commitment because it matters to you.

What does research say about authenticity?

In a 2008 study, Wood and colleagues examined authenticity through three dimensions: feeling disconnected from yourself, living in accordance with yourself, and accepting external influence. Their measures were associated with self-esteem and aspects of well-being. Those associations do not establish that acting more authentically causes better mental health. [1]

You do not need to measure yourself against a standard of perfect authenticity. A more useful starting question might be: Where would I like my choices to reflect more of what matters to me?

Start with an ordinary moment

Consider a hypothetical example: a friend suggests a busy Saturday outing. You want to see her, but you would prefer a quieter visit.

An honest response could be: “I would love to spend time together. Could we do lunch instead?”

That response makes room for both connection and a preference. Your friend may agree, suggest something else, or keep her original plan. You have offered information she can consider.

Try choosing one ordinary situation this week:

• When someone asks where you want to eat, name a place you would enjoy.
• When a friend asks how you are, share one honest sentence you feel comfortable sharing.
• When you are invited to help, consider what you can realistically offer before answering.

These are practice ideas, not a test of how authentic you are.

Ask what you want your choice to stand for

Maybe you value friendship, dependability, faith, curiosity, or kindness. Which of those feels relevant to the decision in front of you?

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT, treats values as ongoing directions for action and connects them with concrete steps. [2] For example, if curiosity matters to you, you might choose to ask a question in a conversation instead of pretending you already know the answer.

You can use these prompts:

• What is my actual preference here?
• What matters to me about this situation?
• What responsibilities and limits do I need to consider?
• What response could respect both my perspective and the other person?

Choose what you want to share

For this exercise, you decide the level of openness. You might acknowledge a feeling privately before discussing it with anyone. You might share a preference with a trusted friend while keeping more personal details to yourself.

Try a sentence such as, “I am still figuring out what I think,” or, “I would like to keep that private.” You can be thoughtful about what you say, when you say it, and who you say it to.

If this brings up questions about limits in relationships, you can also read How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty.

A question to carry into this season

As you make plans for fall, ask: What is one choice I would make if I let my own perspective be part of the conversation?

It could be keeping a tradition you love. It could be suggesting a simpler version. It could be admitting you would enjoy trying something different.

Pick one situation. Give yourself time to consider your answer.

Counseling in Livingston and online throughout Texas

At Rooted Path Counseling, I work with concerns including self-esteem, anxiety, and life transitions. If you would like support exploring your values and the expectations you carry, visit Rooted Path Counseling to learn more or request a consultation.

I offer in-person counseling in Livingston, Texas, and online therapy throughout Texas.

Kayleigh Supak, LPC Associate, supervised by Kelly Rice, LPC-S.

References

• Wood, A. M., Linley, P. A., Maltby, J., Baliousis, M., & Joseph, S. (2008). The authentic personality: A theoretical and empirical conceptualization and the development of the Authenticity Scale. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 55(3), 385–399. Research summary and publication information. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-0167.55.3.385
• Association for Contextual Behavioral Science. (n.d.). The six core processes of ACT.

This article is for education and reflection and is not individualized mental health care. Examples and reflection prompts are original illustrations, not client stories or validated assessments.