Keep the Value Rethink the Plan Practicing Flexibility in Everyday Life

By Kayleigh Supak, M.A., LPC-Associate
Supervised by Kelly Rice, LPC-S & Rachel Yarborough, LPC-S

You wanted dinner to feel like family time. You pictured a homemade meal, everyone sitting together, and a few minutes to hear about the day.

Instead, it’s late. Someone is hungry. You’re looking at the recipe and wondering whether starting it now makes any sense.

What matters most about tonight’s dinner?

There is no answer you are supposed to give. Maybe you wanted to try the recipe. Maybe you wanted time together. Maybe preparing food yourself is meaningful to you. Naming the priority gives you something specific to consider as you choose what happens next.

Identify the purpose of the plan

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, psychological flexibility includes being aware of the present situation and choosing whether to continue or change behavior in service of your values. Values describe qualities you want to bring to how you live, such as being caring, curious, or dependable. [1]

For everyday reflection, try asking: “What was I hoping this plan would help me do or express?”

Use your own words. You do not need to choose something impressive. You might simply want to eat, rest, finish a task, or spend time with someone.

The examples below show possible ways to apply that question. They are illustrations, not rules about what you should choose.

Motherhood and family life

Original plan: Take the kids to a fall event and stay for the whole afternoon.

Current circumstances: One child is tired, the crowds are louder than expected, and you are considering leaving.

Try asking: “What did I want from this outing?” If your hope was time together and some fun, consider whether a shorter visit fits. If there is one activity everyone still wants to do, you might choose that and leave afterward.

You may also feel disappointed about going home early. Leave room to acknowledge that: “I wanted more time here. I’m going to choose what fits our family this afternoon.”

You are making a decision about this particular outing. You do not need to use it as evidence for how you are doing as a parent overall.

College and studying

Original plan: Spend Saturday working through every reading before drafting the paper.

Current circumstances: The readings are taking longer than expected, and the paper is due soon.

First check the actual assignment requirements. Which readings are required? What does the prompt ask? What is the deadline?

Then consider an available next step. You might draft a rough outline using the material you have read, list the gaps, and direct your remaining reading toward those gaps. If the requirements are unclear, you might prepare one specific question for your professor.

Keep the academic requirements in view. The part you are reconsidering is your preferred sequence for doing the work.

Work and responsibility

Original plan: Be the person who handles every part of the project independently.

Current circumstances: You need information someone else has, and trying to work around that gap is slowing you down.

What does being dependable require here? Consider asking a direct question, confirming who owns a decision, or telling someone what you need to finish your part.

For example: “I can complete the summary after I receive the updated figures. Can you confirm when those will be available?”

That is a concrete response to a concrete problem. You can evaluate whether it fits your role and workplace rather than measuring it against an unspoken expectation to need nothing from anyone.

Make room for discomfort in the decision

You might choose a reasonable next step and still feel uneasy about it. In ACT, working with thoughts and feelings serves the broader aim of acting in line with what matters; eliminating every uncomfortable feeling is not the prerequisite. [1]

For your situation, try a sentence such as: “I’m disappointed, and I’m choosing to leave before everyone gets more tired.” Or: “I feel awkward asking, and I need the information to do the work.”

Check whether the sentence is accurate for you. A useful response should fit your actual circumstances, not sound like something you think a calm person would say.

Review what happened

Afterward, write a few lines about what you chose and how it went. What helped? What remained difficult? Would you make the same choice again?

CBT thought records also invite people to examine a situation, their thinking, relevant evidence, and a possible alternative response. [2] You can use that structure when you want a closer look at the meaning you attached to a changed plan.

Our free “Make Room for Plan B” worksheet offers writing space for a similar everyday reflection. Find it through the Resources page at https://rootedpathcounseling.org/.

If you would like support exploring anxiety, perfectionism, or the expectations you carry, contact Rooted Path Counseling. In-person counseling is available in Livingston, Texas, with online counseling across Texas.

Email: kayleigh@rootedpathcounseling.org
Website: https://rootedpathcounseling.org/

Kayleigh Supak, M.A., LPC-Associate
Supervised by Kelly Rice, LPC-S & Rachel Yarborough, LPC-S

This article provides general education, not individualized mental health advice. Examples are original illustrations. Apply flexibility to optional expectations while respecting safety, consent, medical guidance, and needed accommodations.

References

[1] Association for Contextual Behavioral Science. The Six Core Processes of ACT. https://contextualscience.org/book/export/html/842

[2] NHS Every Mind Matters. Thought record. https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/self-help-cbt-techniques/thought-record/