When Your Plan Becomes a Rule Recognizing Rigid Thinking

By Kayleigh Supak, M.A., LPC-Associate
Supervised by Kelly Rice, LPC-S & Rachel Yarborough, LPC-S

You made a plan for the afternoon. Finish work. Pick up the kids. Cook dinner. Get everyone to bed at a reasonable time. Maybe sit down for a little while.

Then something changed.

You’re behind before dinner even starts, and the thought arrives: “I can’t get anything right.”

Or maybe your version happens at college. You had three hours to study, lost the first one, and now you’re tempted to write off the other two. At work, you receive one correction and begin questioning the entire project.

Consider the distance between the event and the conclusion. “I have less time than I expected” describes a circumstance. “The day is ruined” adds an interpretation. That interpretation is a place to get curious.

What we mean by rigid thinking

In this article, rigid thinking means treating one interpretation, expectation, or approach as the only acceptable one, even when it is worth reconsidering. It is everyday descriptive language, not a diagnosis.

One recognizable example is all-or-nothing thinking: viewing an outcome in extremes and missing the possibilities between them. Another is an overly strict “should” or “must.” The Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital describes these as common unhelpful thinking styles. [1]

The question isn’t simply whether you prefer a plan. Ask what happens when that plan cannot happen, or when new information suggests another approach.

Listen for the rule inside the thought

Here are a few illustrative examples:

“If I need help, I’m not handling my responsibilities.”

“If I can’t do the whole assignment tonight, there’s no point starting.”

“If my child is disappointed, I made the wrong decision.”

“If someone doesn’t like my work, the work must be bad.”

Each statement reaches beyond what is actually known. Needing help does not tell you everything about how you handle responsibilities. A child’s disappointment does not, by itself, settle whether a decision was appropriate.

Choose one thought and ask, “What would have to be true for this conclusion to be the only possible one?” Write your answer. You may find a rule you had never quite put into words.

Separate the situation from the meaning

Try describing the moment as plainly as you can.

Situation: “My supervisor asked me to revise two sections.”

Interpretation: “I’m bad at this job.”

Now look at what information you have. Did the supervisor say you are bad at the job? What, specifically, needs revision? Is there other information about your work that belongs in the picture?

This kind of evidence checking is part of CBT guidance on reframing unhelpful thoughts. The aim is to consider a realistic alternative, which may be neutral rather than upbeat. [2]

For this example, a possible response is: “Two sections need changes. I can ask what would make them clearer.” That sentence leaves the revision in place without turning it into a verdict about your ability.

Look for a useful middle option

Suppose you hoped to tidy the house before a friend came over. You have twenty minutes, and the whole house will not be ready the way you pictured it.

What are your options? You might clear a place to sit. You might tell your friend the house is a little chaotic today. You might change the visit if that genuinely fits your needs.

The point of the exercise is to identify choices you had overlooked. You still get to decide which one fits.

For a different situation, try finishing this sentence: “Given the time and energy I actually have, a useful next step would be _____.”

Keep expectations that have a real purpose

Some expectations need to stay specific. Assignment requirements, safety instructions, medical guidance, and consent are not casual preferences. A routine or accommodation may also be important support for you.

Choose an optional personal expectation for this reflection. For example, compare “I need to submit the required sections” with “My first draft has to sound polished before I let myself continue.” They ask different things of you.

The Centre for Clinical Interventions frames work on perfectionism around pursuing healthy standards rather than abandoning standards altogether. [3] That distinction is useful when deciding which expectations deserve another look.

Try one situation on paper

Use the free “Make Room for Plan B” worksheet on the Rooted Path Counseling Resources page. It includes examples and room to explore one situation without turning the reflection into another assignment you have to do perfectly.

If anxiety, perfectionism, or self-criticism keeps interfering with your daily life, you can bring that pattern into counseling. We can explore the expectations you are carrying and what you would like to practice differently.

Rooted Path Counseling offers in-person counseling in Livingston, Texas, and online counseling across Texas.

Learn more or reach out: https://rootedpathcounseling.org/
Email: kayleigh@rootedpathcounseling.org

Kayleigh Supak, M.A., LPC-Associate
Supervised by Kelly Rice, LPC-S & Rachel Yarborough, LPC-S

This article provides general education and is not individualized mental health advice. Scenarios and sample responses are original illustrations.

References

[1] Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital NHS Trust. Unhelpful Thinking Styles. Updated March 10 2026. https://www.rnoh.nhs.uk/patients-and-visitors/patient-information-guides/unhelpful-thinking-styles

[2] NHS Every Mind Matters. Reframing unhelpful thoughts. https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/self-help-cbt-techniques/reframing-unhelpful-thoughts/

[3] Centre for Clinical Interventions, Government of Western Australia. Perfectionism self-help resources. https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/looking-after-yourself/perfectionism